depression

I think I have read it here, that a lot of artists are plaqued by depression. There is a topic here about what an artist is and I think there is no true answer to that. We call our self that just to let an nother know we create in any form. But like a lot of others I am struck with the curse of depression. There is now reason for my depression...I mean I have a good life indeed. A loving wife, great daughter and two wonderfull stepsons! I am the prood owner of my own studio with plenty of work to sustain me. Yet still I have long dark night alone at my art-table depressed and full of self hate. I read all the nice things you all have to say when I post a drawing or something, but I do not see it then. I have been known to destroy drawing or paintings or anything else that catches my eye's at that time. Now I do not drink or use alcohol, so that is not it.
So why would I do that then, my wife know's me well enough to just let me sit there and stuw, no mannor of words can help at that point.
I believe I am not a complainer, yet I am curius...could this be linked with the intence driving need I feel to create? My mind works 24 hours a day. making landscapes in my dreams, painting idea's on the bathroom..you know what I mean.
So could there be a link? I am willing to stop painting and such to never feel that way again.

I think Straycat's suggestion may sound 'flp' but I don't think he meant it to be! and there is likely truth to it, for sure. That's what vacations are for. I have not had one for decades, btw.
Viking, I hope you don't get caught up in the idea that being creative makes you a depressed person. Writers dramatize artist's lives, and like to "paint" us as if different, but there are lots and lots off pretty happy artists. Painting etc. is not the culprit, nor is the desire to be doing it, as far as I'm concerned.
I used to be depressed for years on end. It is not something I like to think of, remember or talk about. But I was stuck in ideas that I didn't realize had no foundation. They were mental pictures and philosophies I had adopted when I was forlorn, and they grew and I let them be my gods! my laws! and I saw it as a weekness to let go of certain themes, because I thought it made me weak. It is not a problem now, because I am weak, and so are the rest of us. We all break if bent too hard. We all "die" and go to ?? We all have some unanswered questions. We are all friends, who don't know it yet!
I had doses of false religion in my past and I thought to let that go of that was wrong and endangered my 'spirituality'. I thought "God" punished people that weren't perfect, and I did not qualify no matter how hard I tried. I even thought pleasure was "sinful". I guess the point is, we are good beings, and if we don't think so, how do we justify our "not good enough" notions of ourselves?
I think people need reassurance, and peace. I do. We need these things because we are not insignificant, we matter and we are to be loved, as much as we are to love. We can be givers but we are not slaves or pawns. We have rights, and they do not come from governments but from Life Itself, from birth, or conception and beyond.
I don't know what 's really getting you down, sometimes, Jay. It may really be that you work so much and so hard. You make think you must do this. I don't know. Or maybe you've left people that you miss. Or, well, who knows.
My life has improved immensely ( I had been hospitalized a few times, before) since I talk to "God as I understand He/She/It" to Be. It is not remote, and I am part of It. We all are. It is Life. I have lots of very good reasons to say that 'God is good', even though this world can be a regular pain! I am not alone, and I insist on the right to say it. If I think I am alone, I will feel alone. But I am never alone, even when I insist that I am!
I will pray for you tonight.

I don't know dude, a vacation can definitely work.

I have to find time from school to work on my drawings, despite that I have to study my a** off to into a good college, get a good life, own a studio with plenty of work to sustain me, marry a loving wife, have a great daughter, maybe even get two wonderful stepsons!
Joking aside, yeah, I've been there before. I simple just took a good break, didn't think of drawing anythign for a long time and just chill!

You've definitely taken the right steps, talking...talking about what's going on sometimes can relieve a lot of stress in itself, clears your mind of excess clutter. Your wife is right, your creativity is one form of counsel; talking to her is another. You are on the right track back to where you want to be. Interestingly enough, Brian shares a struggle he has had for years in his dA journal today. I also battle the demon, whether or not it is right brain related, I dunno, but it would be interesting to find out. Thank you for sharing, it means a lot to me to know I'm not the only one.

[duey]

I am glad to see the various responses to your post regarding depression, Jay. I also respect that your wife might have a pretty good take on it, when it's there, and I'm glad she can let it be as she does. I think it's so important to deal with the depressed person- or the person, that is, thatn some idea called "depression" itself. My beloved wife gets very, very down sometimes, and much of it has to do with that she has left her family, daughter, Mom, grand daughter, sisiters, grandson... in Florida- a diagonal across North America. It is something I can't do much about, except that she flies there maybe 2 times a year, and I am left here with Percy Cat.
I am no expert, but I use meditation instead of medication, quite literally. I meditate a simpe method before bed nightly. I sleep very well ( last night Penelope Cruz was my girlfriend!!! It doesn't get better than that) and I attribute my relative balanced-ness( ha ha ) to the meditation and the major RELIEF that my newer "beliefs" afford me. ( Basically my "beliefs have moved me into a zone of some positivity and hope and faith, which false religion took away from me for years.)
Are you still friends with the people in Holland. Do you and they communicate?
Your dear daughter knew what she was talking about. Many of us have been 'trained' to not be sad- I think people would rather have us pretend to be happy than hear of our problems. Sadness can be most beautiful, but denying our right to it makes for real misery!
BTW- I did say a prayer for you the other night- just in case you thought I was 'just talking'!